TODAY I WANTED to take the time to spotlight a recipe from my forthcoming book, Appetizers to Prepare the Way: Not the Main Course, but Still Pretty Cool.
Now, Honey-Crisped Locusts are delightful to eat year-round (God knows I do!), but they are most satisfying on an early spring day. Just imagine it: You ask some followers friends to meet you by the river. The air is still too cold for a jaunty baptismal dip, but it’s perfect for a picnic. You lay out your camel-hair picnic blanket, which took you two years to knit, and invite your friends to sit down. Then you reach into your (also) camel-hair knapsack, and one of your friends says, “Heck yeah! Did you bring us some bread and wine?” And you say, “Never! I’ve brought something better!” You hand each of them three honey-soaked locusts. Undoubtedly overcome with joy, your friends are at a loss for words, so speechless that they don’t talk to you for the rest of the picnic. The perfect day.
As I’ve said in all my previous recipe blogs, locusts are the perfect source of guilt-free protein. They are keto friendly, gluten free, dairy free, and unblemished by the sins of humanity. Why farm pigs and chickens and cows, clogging up the atmosphere with methane, when you could scavenge for locusts (which are so abundant, especially during a plague)?
Speaking of plagues, the honey is good for fending off colds, flu, and God’s coming wrath. But only if you get the right type of honey. Notice I DID NOT say “Trader Joe’s honey” or “Amazingly discounted manuka honey from Home Goods.” I said WILD honey. I acquire my honey by lighting incense under a bee colony. Once the bees are lulled into a spiritual stupor, I suck the honey from the comb. But if you’re pressed for time, you can buy some honey at your local farmers market.
It is best to prepare this snack over a fire. Start by placing your locusts in your cast iron, stirring them constantly. The stirring isn’t really necessary but it gets boring in the wilderness so this will give you something to do. Once the locusts are as hot as a wealthy hypocrite burning in hell (about 200 degrees), add the honey. Quickly, the locusts will begin to absorb that sweet, sweet nectar. It may make you a little sad to watch the gooey amber honey disappear into the eye sockets of an insect; you paid good money for that farmers market wild honey! But if you want this dish to realize its full potential, the locust must become greater while the honey must become less.
INGREDIENTS
- 12 locusts, ideally dead 3 days
- 4 tablespoons of WILD honey
DIRECTIONS
- Heat up a cast-iron skillet over a fire.
- Throw in locusts. Wait five minutes.
- Stir in honey.
- Remove from heat.
- Eat quickly, the kingdom of heaven is at hand.
Jenna Barnett is the culture editor at Sojourners and the producer of the award-winning podcast Lead Us Not.
Got something to say about what you're reading? We value your feedback!
