Commentary

If I were ExxonMobil or Halliburton, I’d be watching a certain congressional race with great interest. According to the Supreme Court ruling early this year in Citizens United vs. Federal Election Commission, corporations have the same rights as human beings in regard to campaign financing. So now a Maryland PR firm is breaking more new ground by making a bid to be the first corporation to run for U.S. Congress: Murray Hill Inc. has announced it will try to compete in this fall’s Republican primary for Maryland’s 8th Congressional District.

Although the firm often works for progressive causes such as labor unions, conservatives may just have to vote for it for the sake of precedent. After all, if, as many conservatives claim, private business is better than government at pretty much everything, why not elect a corporation to be in government?

Murray Hill’s promise to “eliminate the middleman” offers immediate gains in electoral efficiency. Instead of dumping piles of money into the campaign coffers of a fickle human who may only represent some of their interests, now a corporation can buy democracy direct at huge discounts. And they pass the savings on to you! (You’re a stockholder, right?)

No longer will corporations need to bankroll overpaid lobbyists to draft legislation that underpaid congressional staffers—or, gasp, grassroots activists—might monkey with. When corporations take office, lobbyists are the staffers—instead of having to wait a few years to change jobs like they do now.