abuse of women
SAM’S PARTNER HIT them. Sam knows the partner is at fault, but can’t shake the feeling that getting a “no-fault” divorce would be a lie. “I really don’t know what to say,” admitted a colleague and friend. My friend was a new pastor with a church member in an abusive marriage; we’ll call that church member Sam. My friend walked with Sam as they made the decision to get a lawyer, but they were both overwhelmed with the specifics of the divorce proceedings. “I had no idea there were this many layers to the process,” my friend said. “And frankly, I’m still reeling at the fact that my work as a pastor would include helping someone see the importance of pursuing a divorce, but I just don’t think Sam will survive in this marriage.”
Christian tradition holds marriage to be a public, sacred covenant made by two people before God, intended to be a lifelong commitment. Yet as Christians know as well as anyone — divorce rates among Christians are comparable to the general population — marriages end in divorce for a variety of reasons ranging from poor communication to domestic violence or abuse. Some Christians are against divorce in nearly any circumstance; other Christians are more open to divorce as an acceptable choice, but do not know the different legal options, what these options afford the individuals seeking a divorce, and how those options may or may not align with their faith. And regardless of a church’s views on divorce, I’ve observed that few churches talk openly or well about it.
My journey with this topic began in 2015 with my own divorce. Unlike Sam, I was not a victim of domestic violence. But like Sam, I didn’t want a divorce — and I really didn’t want a no-fault divorce. In the U.S., couples typically choose between an often-lengthy fault-based divorce, where blame is assigned (e.g., abuse, adultery), and no-fault divorce based on irreconcilable differences, which keeps a couple’s opinions about where fault lies separate from the legal process — and is usually quicker. Choosing “no-fault” felt dishonest to what I’d experienced. I couldn’t square it with my faith; it felt too quick, too easy. I wanted to feel the vindication that I thought assigning fault might bring. These feelings were fueled by a lingering sense of self-righteousness rooted in my religious convictions.
Nearly one in five U.S. women has been raped at some time in her life, according to new federal data released Wednesday.
In addition, one in four women has been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner, according the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, which was conducted by the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
“This landmark report paints a clear picture of the devastating impact that these violent acts have on the lives of millions of Americans,” Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius said in a statement accompanying the release of the results.
It's a consistent storyline in the media, involving powerful men in politics, sports, business, and religion: Men behave with utter disregard for the dignity and humanity of women -- using and abusing them at will, and acting as if they believe that they are entitled to do so.
In Half the Sky, Pulitzer Prize-winning authors Kristof and WuDunn document the global exploitation of women an abuse to which we have become indifferent.
An autographed photo of Jimmy Carter sits on our piano. A friend of ours wrote to Carter and told him that he was one of our sons' favorite presidents, and would he please send them a signed photograph. When Keith gave our sons the Carter picture last Christmas, my 8-year-old actually teared up.