Humor

QUIRK: Who’s the Biggest Bro in the Presidential Race?

Photo by Gawker. http://gawker.com/5935444/who-is-the-biggest-bro-in-the-preside
Photo by Gawker. http://gawker.com/5935444/who-is-the-biggest-bro-in-the-presidential-race

Today, Gawker answers that question by extensively evaluating the candidates in sports, fashion, education, bro-pinions, and, most importantly, beer. Which one’s got the best bro traits? Our current beer-loving commander-in-chief? Right-hand man and University of Delaware graduate, Bro Biden? Or might the title go to the skinny-jean wearing, M.B.A. Mitt Romney? Or the young, newly chosen running-mate who loves Rage Against the Machine?

CLICK HERE TO SEE WHO IS THE BIGGEST BRO IN THE 2012 PRESIDENTIAL RACE

QUIRK: Westboro Baptist Haters vs. Zombie Counter-Protesters (Guess Who Won?)

From Huffington Post:

A Westboro Baptist Church protest was overshadowed last Friday when demonstrators dressed as zombies gathered at a DuPont, Wash. military base to counter the radical group's efforts.

After members of the controversial Kansas-based church announced plans to picket Joint Base Lewis-McChord, a military base south of Seattle, 27-year-old Melissa Neace decided to organize a counter-protest, launching a Facebook group titled "Zombie'ing Westboro Baptist Church AWAY from Fort Lewis!"

"We wanted to turn something negative around, into something people could laugh at and poke fun at," Neace told the News Tribune. "It was the easiest way to divert attention from something so hateful."

About 300 counter-protesters showed up in varying degrees of zombie garb, far outnumbering the picketers from Westboro. According to KIRO in Seattle, just eight protesters from the controversial group showed up.

"I think that their message is very hateful, and Jesus was not a hateful person. He loved everybody," one of the counter-protesters told KIRO.

Watch video of Zombies vs Haters inside the blog ...

 

Plunging into the Political Fray. Or Not.

Rubber stamp illustration, Jason Winter / Shutterstock.com

THE TAR SANDS in Alberta, Canada, have been in the news a lot lately, since they appear to be a promising source of energy for the United States, a nation hungry for a fuel derived by despoiling pristine forests, fouling fresh water sources, and enriching oil executives. (Nobody said capitalism would be pretty. Cute and cuddly, perhaps, but not pretty.)

Actually, I’m not familiar with this new type of energy source. Is it the tar we want, or the sand? Probably not the tar, since it’s too sticky and is mainly used as a preservative for saber-toothed tiger skeletons in California, something I learned in an eighth grade history book with lots of pictures. (I like pictures.)

So it must be the sand, which one day our cars will run on, to which I must add: Are our scientists brilliant, or what?!

Unfortunately, extracting this energy source domestically could be a direct threat to our beaches, the nation’s principal source of sand. Which is why I plan to Occupy the Beach of My Choosing later this summer, and stand in powerful protest—or, after a heavy picnic lunch, lie on a blanket in powerful protest—against exploiting this valuable resource.

Come to think of it, Saudi Arabia has lots of sand. So maybe we can get it from them.

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT energy. It’s an election year and things are heating up. So let’s talk politics.

Sojourners’ attorney: Let’s not.

Me: Uh, who are you?

Attorney: What, you can’t read? And it’s in bold face, for crying out loud.

Me: Well, I’m trying to write a column here, so why don’t you go work on some legal briefs. Or are they boxers?

Attorney: Look, my job is to protect Sojourners’ nonprofit status, which is at risk if you show the slightest partisanship in your ... “humor.”

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