All I wanted was work,
not the old man’s joyful tears as he ran down the hill.
I was afraid he’d fall or burst his heart to kingdom come.
Now what?
My head still pounds from yesterday’s wine, father’s ring hangs heavy on my finger,
and after all those years of pea pods, my stomach aches from too much fatted calf.
I didn’t want that damn banquet,
my older brother pacing outside the door, muttering into his beard.
But he’s right: he deserves a party more than I do.
And next?
I’ve blown my inheritance, my high and mighty brother gets all Dad has,
and I get the knowledge that I’m loved no matter what I do.
Should I stay?
Shovel shit in the stables like I came back here to do,
learn to live under my brother’s self-righteous gaze?
Should I leave again?
work instead of play, invest my money, marry well,
come back next time in linen instead of sackcloth?
Or should I go
on bended knee to my father and say help.
What do I do with your unconditional love?
Richard Wile, author of the novel Requiem in Stones, lives in Brunswick, Maine, where he plays clawhammer banjo in old-time music jams.
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