The Five Stages of Grief When You Aren't Selected For a Jan. 6 Jury

YOU THOUGHT YOU were going to be selected for the trial of some of the fascists who staged an insurrection at the nation’s Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021. You went through jury selection and everything! But for some reason (maybe your use of the word “fascists”), they turned you down. What’s next?

Here’s what to expect when you’re expecting Jan. 6-jury-related grief:

1. Denial

C’mon. There’s no way. Why wouldn’t they want me? I am a morally upright and very impressive person who has all the right opinions and does all the right things. I am a good Christian who believes that God’s law is what matters most, and I will do the right and just thing even when it is against human law. I am the most law-abiding citizen of the United States re: God’s law. Which is totally relevant to what the judge is looking for. Totally.

2. Anger

Burn it all down. Overthrow the system. Storm the Capitol. Not like that, though! I’m different!

3. Bargaining

Okay, but ... what if I had lied about my beliefs to make it onto the jury? What if I decided not to check the boxes that indicated my various biases? What if I had been some kind of sneaky Agent of Justice making sure those guys went to jail? Even though I don’t believe in prisons, and even though the judgment that actually matters is God’s judgment? Surely God would approve this petty, sadistic, and highly illegal vengeance against people I dislike, as a treat?

4. Depression

“I say to God my Rock, ‘Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?’ My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, ‘Get it together, this really isn’t that big of a deal.” — Psalm 42:9-10 (New American Angst Version)

5. Acceptance

You know what? It’s fine that I’m not on that jury. Nothing else about this situation is fine — Jan. 6, the rise of fascism in America, my inability to storm the Capitol in a good way, you know, for justice. But it’s fine that I’m not on that jury. Those guys will get judged when and how it matters most. And in the meantime, I’ll keep being a pinnacle of good Christian morality, with no petty or vengeful tendencies whatsoever.