All the News That's Written to Space

It's February and so far you haven't kept a single New Year's resolution, have you? Not even the one about setting aside a special time to write in your journal. ("But The X-Files was really good this week!") Also, because of the ice in your bathtub, you just realized you forgot to turn off the outside water faucet. (No, turning it off now doesn't count for next December. You have to turn it off then, too.)

Admit it, you're already starting to lose your sense of direction for the year, and you need some guidance, some advice to get out of the winter doldrums. (Winter Doldrums Example No. 1: Last night I dreamed I was sitting at a desk balancing my checkbook. That was the whole dream.)

What you need is a mentor, and, if you're like me, when you think of a mentor you think of Kenyan President Daniel arap Moi. But you knew that already, didn't you?

Yes, a lot of people look to the inspiration of Daniel arap Moi, and not just because he has the guts to leave his middle name uncapitalized (who among us has the courage to do that?). But also because, year after year, he has the conviction and the clarity of purpose to rule his nation with the simple belief that a hundred million Kenyans can't be right.

Nope, in Kenya it's Daniel arap Moi who is always right. And despite the bothersome needs of his people he continues to do things his way, with his unwavering vision, his strong leadership, and his secret Swiss bank accounts. This is the kind of man to lead us out of our malaise. (Winter Doldrums Example No. 2: On account of El Niño—or is it Tickle Me Elmo?—it's hard to use snow as an excuse to take off work because it's 65 degrees outside. What is this, London?)

And Now the News...