The Hits That Weren't

The Hits that Weren't

After a summer of blockbusters like Jurassic Park, it seems only fair to pay tribute to the movies that never quite made it to the big screen. I'm talking about the film ideas that preceded the blockbusters, those scripts that the executives read first, but discarded at the last minute. For example, A River Runs Through It was not the first idea Robert Redford had for a movie about fishing and fathers. But nobody liked his other idea, A River Runs Up To It and Then Stops. They thought it needed work.

Hot new mystery writer John Grisham didn't write The Pelican Brief until his first idea, Duck Shorts, was turned down. And Hollywood producers refused to consider Grisham's latest thriller--The Soft and The Mushy--until he agreed to rename it The Firm. (Free H'rumphs Bonus: A 20-second review of The Firm. "Well, Grisham's latest novel has elevated superficiality and character underdevelopment to an art form. Inspired by such literary high-water marks as 'Murder, She Wrote' and 'The Man From U.N.C.L.E.,' The Firm will soon take its well-deserved place in the world's most prestigious libraries...under the short table legs. Someday, magazines will carry 365-page BMW ads. And John Grisham will write them.")

But, I digress.

Silence of the Lambs might not have won all those Oscars if they had kept its original title, Stop All That Bleating, I'm Trying to Get Some Sleep in Here!

Before Unforgiven, Clint Eastwood was trying to produce Okay, Fine, I Forgive You.

Menace II Society was much less streetwise in its first version: Dennis Is a Menace II Mr. Wilson.

And finally, Indecent Proposal is the controversial film that asks the question: "Would you pay $6.50 to spend the evening in a darkened theater with Demi Moore?" After unexpectedly strong showings at the box office, Indecent Proposal will be released on video as either I Want My Money Back or A Redford Walks Through It.

Psst. Read This First

A couple of pages before this column there is a very thoughtful article on the importance of supporting locally owned food stores, BUT DON'T READ IT YET! Before you do (please don't let on that I told you this), go out and buy lots and lots of cheap food from one of those cut-rate warehouse places. THEN you can read the article, and THEN you can promise to never never ever shop at a warehouse store again.

Elsewhere in this issue, there's a helpful article on the Levi's boycott. Unfortunately, while outlining the company's scrupulously unfair labor practices, the article fails to point out how comfortable Levi's clothing is, how nice it looks, or how just when I finally find clothes my size (I take an extra-medium), now I CAN'T BUY THEM!

Why can't we boycott a company that makes stuff we don't need, like scratchy sweaters, or rubber hats, or pet furniture? Why was there a lettuce and grape boycott, but never a beets boycott? And how come until recently we weren't supposed to use Nestle Quik, but it was okay to use Ovaltine? (Boy, I used to hate that stuff.)

Note to Our Readers

We want to thank those of you who recently ordered your own commemorative Sojourners coffee mug. Although we've received some reports of spillage in transit, we hope that most of you receive your mugs still full of the delicious, piping hot coffee that we thoughtfully poured in before shipment. What better way to take a much-needed break during the day than to open your mail and enjoy a cup of previously fresh-brewed java. This was my idea.

Study Questions

Knowing that the outcome of history has often been shaped by the smallest of events, how different would our world be today if, say, that queen had not correctly guessed Rumpelstiltskin's name? Discuss.

Ed Spivey Jr. is art director of Sojourners.