Four More Years

In a stunning journalistic coup, Sojourners magazine is the first Washington publication to be granted an interview with top guys-elect Bill Clinton and Albert Gore. Despite busy pre-inaugural schedules, both leaders were eager to discuss the challenges facing the country and their new administration, so they invited our editors to their transition headquarters.

The editors were busy, however, so the H'rumphs staff went instead. Following is a transcript of our conversation.

Sojourners: Mr. Clinton, Mr. Gore, I'd like to thank you both for taking the time to share your thoughts with our readers. Our time is brief so I'll get right to it...Are those mints there for just anybody?

Clinton: Help yourself.

Sojourners: These are my favorite. I remember when I was a kid waiting for my dad to pay the check at a restaurant; there'd always be a bowl of mints on the counter, and I'd grab a handful before anybody noticed. They were all different colors, but the red ones were my favorite.

Clinton: Did you have some questions for us, sir?

Sojourners: You mean, like, on the economy or foreign policy? Something like that?

Clinton: Seems appropriate.

Sojourners: Of course. But before I begin, I want to warn you that our magazine is not in the business of giving politicians the so-called "honeymoon period." With all due respect, sirs, I'm not going to pull any punches with my questions. I'm here to play hardball.

Clinton: Fair enough.

Sojourners: You know, I really like these chairs. Is this real leather? I'd like to get one of these for in front of my TV. Right now we just have the patio furniture in our living room. We always bring it in during the winter. Have to put it somewhere.

Vice President-elect Gore. I don't mean to ignore you. Your political resume is at least as long as Mr. Clinton's. Your years in Congress obviously make you an able partner to the president. I think I'll ask you my next question.

Gore: Fine.

Sojourners: Do you think a styling mousse is the best product for hair care, or do you prefer a gel?

Gore: Definitely a gel. But you have to apply it immediately after showering. A gentle but brisk blow-drying helps set it into shape.

Sojourners: I've always preferred a mousse, but lately this humidity has...

Gore: ...left your hair stiff and messy, right? You see, in this climate a gel is much better for shaping and styling.

Clinton: Can we move this along a little bit?

Sojourners: Okay, Mr. Big Shot. Well here's a question for you. Is it true that you got all your campaign slogans from the February/March 1992 Sojourners? You know, all that talk about "community," and "healing," and a "new covenant"?

Clinton: I...I don't remember...

Sojourners: Sure you do, MISTER PRESIDENT. What's that sticking out of your briefcase over there...just as I thought, our December issue.

Clinton: I just...somebody else put that there. I didn't...

Sojourners: And isn't it true, Mr. Clinton, that you were never born in a town called Hope? That you were really born in a town called Goober, but you didn't like the sound of it in your speeches?

Clinton: That's a lie!

Sojourners: I think we've heard just about enough. It's time our readers knew the truth, and I'm just the person to tell them. Right after I have a couple more of these mints.

Ed Spivey Jr. is art director of Sojourners.