Funny Business | Sojourners

Funny Business

Biblical Perspective

A recent column by Bob Levey in The Washington Post quoted the following observations offered by the confirmation classes at the Chevy Chase Presbyterian Church in Chevy Chase, Maryland:

- Noah's wife was Joan of Ark.

- The Fifth Commandment is humor thy father and mother
- When Mary heard she was to be the mother of Jesus, she went off and sang the Magna Carta.

- Another name for marriage is holy acrimony.

- Christians have only one wife. That is called monotony.

- The patron saint of travelers is St. Francis of Seasick.

- The natives of Macedonia did not believe, so Paul got stoned.

- The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

- It is sometimes difficult to hear in church because the agnostics are so terrible.

More of the Same

Speaking of interesting perspectives on biblical history, Carol Leslie, our second most frequent "H'rumphs" contributor (she's sent in two contributions), sent a history of the world our way. It's based on statements that showed up in student essays all across the country and was put together by teacher Paul Lederer. The history spans ancient Egypt to the First World War and therefore will have to be serialized (keep your eyes on this space). Herewith are the biblical reflections:

Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother's birth mark. One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterward, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.

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