Archaeologists studying recently unearthed scrolls have discovered a previously overlooked manuscript. After much study, scientists say they believe the document is a transcript from a one-man show at a Judean night club. Following, in its entirety, is the text of the scroll, titled simply:
Shecky Boaz: First-Century Comedian
Thank you. Thank you very much. It's great to be here. I just walked in from Tyre, and boy are my feet tired. I had a good time up there--you know those wacky northern beach towns. Fun-loving folks, but as for intelligence, well, I think they're only fishing from one side of the boat, if you know what I mean.
But seriously, ladies and gentlemen, it's great to be back at Bethlehem's Chez Caesar, the best night club in Judea. And I should know, I've played some real dumps in my time, from Sidon to Nicopolis. And I stunk up the place once in Arimathea, but hey, I don't want to talk about it.
But nobody, and I mean this sincerely, nobody gives me as warm a welcome as you guys...I said nobody gives me as warm a...thank you, thank you very much.
And speaking of taxes--and who doesn't speak of taxes in Bethlehem?--isn't that Zacchaeus in the back there? Yes it is Zacchaeus, the Zacchster, the Zacchmeister, Baron von Big Guy.
Stand up, Zacch, so we can...oh, you are standing up. Sorry about that. Hah, hah! Just kidding.
Say, is that your oxcart parked outside, the one with the "Render Unto Caesar" bumper sticker? I thought so. Not that I mind paying Caesar 80 percent of my wages. Hey, I love the guy. You know, Caesar and I have this understanding: I pay my taxes, and he lets me live. Which reminds me--what's the difference between a tax collector and a centurion? The centurion only sticks you once.