Gun Talk

SO YOU WANT TO HAVE a chat with someone on the other side of the gun control debate, but you’re worried that it could quickly go south, descending into interminable and acrimonious debate. Well, fear not! Here are a few simple guidelines that can help avoid that outcome.

1. Resist false dichotomies

There are a wide range of positions that Americans hold on issues related to gun control. Polls consistently show that most gun owners support some degree of gun regulation. Similarly, few of those who choose not to own a gun believe that, therefore, no one should be allowed to own a gun. Given this, why does the debate so quickly deteriorate to: “You and Obama wanna take my guns!” on the one side and “You folks just don’t care about the gun violence epidemic!” on the other? The first step toward mutually respectful dialogue is to get rid of the false dichotomies.

2. Don’t caricature the other side

It’s an unfortunate part of our everyday discourse that we often attempt to dismiss our opponent’s position by creating an absurd caricature of it. You know the drill. Someone makes a sympathetic comment about gun regulation and the response is: “Oh, so you want to repeal the Second Amendment!” This sort of caricature avoids serious engagement with the issue by recasting it in terms that exaggerate or misrepresent the other’s position. Serious engagement on this issue, or any other, for that matter, requires careful attention to what the person actually says. Resist the temptation to cheapen the discussion by caricaturing the other’s position.

3. Look for common ground

Once we give up the false dichotomies and avoid caricaturing the other side, we can begin to look for points of agreement. Can we agree that certain gun usages are appropriate? Then say so. Can we agree that certain groups of people should not be allowed to own guns? Then grant your opponent this point. Can we agree, and surely we can, that a school shooting every week, on average, is too many? Look for the points of agreement and, from there, begin to discuss different kinds of solutions ... and be willing to “try on” different solutions without arbitrarily ruling out some because they do not align with our ideologies.

4. Listen

A friend of mine used to say, “Listening is more than just waiting for your turn to talk.” Too often we are mentally preparing our next counterpoint, rather than really hearing our discussion partner. If we approach a discussion on gun control with the main objective to “win the debate,” then the conversation will likely descend to a heated exchange of points and counterpoints. Approach the discussion with the goal of understanding and being understood, and take the time to listen. This will encourage our discussion partner to do the same. Give up the need to “win,” and seek instead to really hear the other side.

5. Admit the other side has valid points

An old cliché goes, “Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.” It is virtually impossible for a person to be wrong on every aspect of a given subject. So when we engage with someone on an issue such as gun regulation, be reasonable in admitting the validity of at least some points of the other side. Little can serve to reduce tensions in a difficult conversation more than a respectful “You have a good point there.” Such a response is not a sign of weakness, but an indicator that you are willing to be fair.

Too many discussions on difficult topics end up with friends angry at each other, but they need not. Follow these simple rules and you’ll find respectful and productive dialogue to be easier than you think!