t last count, there were 327 men competing for the Republican presidential nomination; far too many to name here, but ultimately of little consequence since none has a chance against one man who has quietly sat on the sidelines for most of this political dogfight. He calmly watched as the others snapped and snarled at each other, their furry coats slick with sweat, their claws bloody, their eyes crazed, their tongues hanging with exhaustion ....
Okay, enough with the dogfight analogies. Sorry. Sometimes these literary constructs take on a life of their own. We'll just press on and assume you can discuss politics without animal references, such as the fact that Newt Gingrich looks like a Chow Chow. (Hey, don't start Googling for pictures. Just trust me on this one.)
At a time when the Republicans have little to run on besides war, trillion-dollar deficits, and rising inequality—nothing that really stands out as a good bumper sticker—the one man who can hold the White House is Fred Thompson. The lawyer-turned-actor-turned-politician-turned-actor-again has recently declared his candidacy—although he has yet to explain all those hyphens—after spending several weeks in Iowa keeping us "guessing." But let's not be jaded here. There are lots of reasons to visit Iowa, such as the dairy museum, which there's probably one of. Not to mention clean restrooms in various locations throughout the state.
OF ALL THE potential nominees, Fred Thompson is the closest thing to Ronald Reagan that his party has seen in a generation. And he's got all the qualifications to be president:
• He's an actor.