You're On The Air . . .

Get rid of your pastoral counselors, your financial advisers, and your horoscopes. There's a new talent on the airwaves, a brilliant mind bent on helping people in every phase of life. He's versed in matters both scientific and political, in subjects biblical and secular. He's "Mr. H'rumphs," and his new radio call-in show (appropriately titled "Ask Mr. H'rumphs") is now being broadcast in virtually every major media market.

As you can see from the following transcript of the first show, "Mr. H'rumphs" is your one-stop problem-solver, your answer man for the '90s.

All right, every one of our lines is lit, so let's get started. Boston, you're on the air.

Thanks for taking my call, Mr. H'rumphs. I've got a question for you.

Go ahead, please.

Yeah. Okay, well, I'm a little nervous...

Nothing to be nervous about. Go ahead please, Boston.

OK, well I've never, like, called a radio show before, and, well...

Cleveland, you're on the radio with "Ask Mr. H'rumphs."

Thanks. Love your show. Say, I can't find Paul's letter to Philemon.

It's in the Bible.

Yeah, I know that...

It's in the back.

Yeah, I know it's in the New Testament, but I can't...

Sir, do you have one of those Bibles with that real thin, onionskin sort of paper?

Why, yes...

Okay, that's your problem. If you've got any moisture in the air whatsoever, those pages are going to stick together. Which is no big deal if you're looking for, say, Isaiah. But your Philemons tend to hide out on humid days. Not to mention Titus. I tried to read that one on a beach once, and forget it. One wrong page turn and it's over.

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Sojourners Magazine April 1992
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