Children have much to teach us about peacemaking and God's presence. Their seemingly unlimited contact with creation and the Creator is blessedly free of liturgical rules, politically correct guidelines, or papal encyclicals. They know God as a breath of wind or as a squirrel skipping across a telephone wire. They know God even though they can't describe, document, or justify.
It's inevitable that a part of this awe and wonder is forever lost as children enter into the distractions of grown-up life. But how much of this awe and wonder must be lost? And how is it lost? These are questions asked by parents and educators who believe that a child's innate and joyful sense of God does not have to be threatened by, or is not incompatible with, exposure to the political and socioeconomic realities that shape our world today.
The past two years have seen an increase in the number of books, articles, and magazines that can revolutionize a parent's bookshelf which, until now, may have only included a couple of dog-eared volumes by Dr. Benjamin Spock and how-to parenting manuals. Many of the books address a specific topic, such as peacemaking activities at home or school, encouragement on how to get kids socially or environmentally involved, conflict resolution, the impact of television and war toys on our children's psyches, and arguments against corporal punishment.
TO GAIN A COMPLETE picture of how to approach peacemaking with children, I suggest examining some of the literature that explores children's spirituality before moving on to the more specific action books. The Spiritual Life of Children by Boston psychoanalyst and author Robert Coles, the third volume in a series of the author's observations of children, grew out of Coles' recognition that he ignored or redirected children when they had initiated talk about God and their faith during interviews conducted for the first two books (The Moral Life of Children and The Political Life of Children).
Coles realized he was more concerned with his own psychoanalytical goals than with paying attention to and validating the spiritual musings of the children. In the most recent book, Coles put together a more complete picture of children "as seekers, as young pilgrims well aware that life is a finite journey and as anxious to make sense of it as those of us who are farther along." He explored how young people "sift and sort spiritual matters" by interviewing children all over the world and from different religious backgrounds and by asking them to represent God in drawings and in stories.
Starting Out Right: Nurturing Young Children as Peacemakers, by Kathleen McGinnis and Barbara Oehlberg, also discusses the source of wonder and joy in a child's spiritual life and includes a good bibliography on other books on the topic. This book, especially designed for preschool parents and teachers, begins with the importance of nurturing self-esteem and developing social relationships, and attempts to explain how violence, consumerism, racism, and sexism play a part in developing the world-view of today's children. Finally, the book suggests specific activities that can be used at home or in the classroom to help children accept that people are of different colors, faiths, socioeconomic levels, ages, and sexes.
"As long as social values remain peripheral rather than central convictions of our lives, the disorder in our world will increase," writes Michael True in Ordinary People: Family Life and Global Values. True's book examines the sociological context in which today's parents are "helping children make sense of their lives...in social as well as personal values" and stresses that children need to experience the urgency and participate in the action.
In an extended essay, True looks at tradition, patriotism, faith, and community and how these factors can assist parents in raising their children. A chapter on "Understanding Fatherhood" examines the difficulties that men have in playing a nurturing role in the family.
True's book is written primarily for the family living an upper-middle or middle-class life while searching for ways to incorporate old-fashioned morals and values into a media-gone-mad world. Kathleen and James McGinnis' Parenting for Peace and Justice is the account of one family's journey that eventually led them to move to an integrated urban neighborhood and adopt a child of another race. Parenting, updated in 1990 to reflect the McGinnis' experiences over the past 10 years, is a comprehensive and compelling account of their efforts to answer the call to be peacemakers both at home and in the larger world.
The McGinnises' experience may not lead every family to move from the 'burbs to the inner city, but it challenges families to test the reality to which their children are being exposed. "We do not recommend overloading children with social problems," say the McGinnises. But they do recommend that social justice activities be the norm rather than the exception and that "social ministry and family ministry enrich each other." The children then can learn early that there is hope that the individual child can be responsible for change.
The McGinnises' book, by addressing topics such as stewardship and simplicity, nonviolence in the family, sex-role and cultural stereotypes, and family prayer, challenges parents to examine each aspect of their own lives and question whether they are living the values that they preach. Their book is an argument for integration of peace, nonviolence, and social justice into every possible aspect of life.
For example, the McGinnises discuss the role that power plays in relationships among family members--just as power plays a relationship on a global scale. If parents play power games in trying to change their children's behavior, they will meet only with resistance, hostility, aggression, and other violent behavior, say the McGinnises. "Our delegated power over our children is the power to free them, the power to serve them, the power to teach them the truth. This is the power of love which can flow through us from God."
In Children and Nonviolence, Bob and Janet Aldridge, who raised 10 children in urban America, write about how they "rediscovered" their values over the years. Their book includes reflections on issues ranging from the marriage relationship and its impact on family to guns and war toys and spirituality.
Parents of boys especially will be riveted by Nancy Carlsson-Paige and Diane E. Levin's explanation, in Who's Calling the Shots? of the difference between the war toy play of today and the "cowboys and Indians" play of yesteryear. The book is valuable for all parents in that it documents the damaging links between media commercialism and today's popular toys. This book offers practical advice on how to help your children choose their toys discriminately without having to reject all of the popular ones.
Family Peacemaking: Playful Gatherings and Activities by Mary Joan and Jerry Parks is a two-part series that includes a guidebook written for a group facilitator with a team of parents, and a "peacemaker's notebook" to be used by any member of the family for reflection. The Parkses have also written guidebooks for Creating a Peace Experience: Peace Camp Curriculum and Resources and Peacemaking for Little Friends: Tips, Lessons and Resources for Parents and Teachers.
In Children's Liberation: A Biblical Perspective, Joseph A. Grassi gives many examples from the Bible that support the important role of children in Jesus' message. Grassi encourages parents to find faith-based reasons to allow their children to be open to change and renewal, and suggests that Jesus is the ultimate parental model.
Susan Hopkins and Jeff Winters, in Discover the World, offer daily activities that parents and educators can use at home or in the classroom to help children gain respect for themselves, others, and the world. The activities incorporate art, music, movement, and language. The Kid's Guide to Social Action, by Barbara A. Lewis includes step-by-step guides to letter writing, interviewing, speechmaking, fund raising, and developing media coverage. The Kid's Guide is written for children ages 8 and up, parents, and educators.
IMPOSING JUSTICE activities in a spiritual or moral vacuum does a disservice to both the child and adult. Adults who begin to explore how to build a more peaceful environment in the home, the classroom, or the church will soon discover that social justice makes little sense to a child who has never experienced justice in the home or who has low self-esteem. Parents who preach peace between warring siblings may realize that their own behavior is inconsistent with the peace that they try to impose.
Peacemaking with children can be a sobering and enlightening journey that brings adults face-to-face with their own prejudices, stereotypes, and power games. The journey can open adults to the joy and wonder that are still present in their inner child and can allow them to learn from the child as the child learns from them.
Cynthia J. Carney was a free-lance writer living in Arlington, Virginia when this article appeared.
Parenting Bookshelf
Children and Nonviolence. By Bob and Janet Aldridge. Hope Publishing House, 1987. $12.95 (cloth), $8.95 (paper).
Children's Liberation: A Biblical Perspective. By Joseph A. Grassi. The Liturgical Press, 1991. $5.95 (paper).
Discover the World: Empowering Children to Value Themselves, Others and the Earth. Edited by Susan Hopkins and Jeff Winters. New Society Publishers, 1990.
Family Peacemaking: Playful Gatherings and Activities. By Mary Joan and Jerry Parks. Pax Christi-USA, 1990.
The Kid's Guide to Social Action: How to Solve the Social Problems You Choose & Turn Creative Thinking Into Positive Action. By Barbara A. Lewis. Free Spirit Publishers.
Ordinary People: Family Life and Global Values. By Michael True. Orbis Books, 1991.
Parenting for Peace and Justice: Ten Years Later. By Kathleen and James McGinnis. Orbis Books.
The Spiritual Life of Children. By Robert Coles. Houghton-Mifflin Company, 1990.
Starting Out Right: Nurturing Young Children as Peacemakers. By Kathleen McGinnis and Barbara Oehlberg. Meyer-Stone Books.
Who's Calling the Shots? How to Respond Effectively to Children's Fascination With War Play and War Toys. By Nancy Carlsson-Paige and Diane E. Levin. New Society Publishers, 1990.
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