As in biblical times, the Christmas season officially begins the day after Halloween, and that’s when the holiday catalogs started showing up.
Gird your loins, folks: the Season of Audi has arrived.
The deep introspection, the "Emmanuel, God with us" soul-searching can wait until January, when all the hubbub has passed and the bills start arriving.
We piled the catalogs up on the dining room buffet as a visual warning against the coming materialistic storm. A few caught my eye:
“Soft Surroundings: My time. My place. My self. Winter collection. Clothing, home, beauty.” My, oh my, it really IS all about me. For the narcissist in all of us…
“HearthSong: Toys You’ll Feel Good About Giving. Over 100 New Toys… And Limitless Joy!” After 45 minutes of page-flipping, and several phone calls to their 1-800 line, it turns out that HearthSong does not sell Limitless Joy as a stand-alone product. It comes only with the purchase of a toy.
“Oriental Trading, celebrating 80 years of fun.” Surprise! As detailed on the cover, Oriental Trading is owned by Berkshire Hathaway, Warren Buffet’s company. It seems like the man who has made a fortune by having an eye for value is mass-mailing the masses pages of cheap, self-disintegrating items that are in desperate need of a landfill.
“Serena & Lily. Inspiration Delivered.” I bought $501 of inspiration, because delivery is free on orders over $500. If you shop online, you have to be savvy about shipping costs.
To their credit, J.Crew was the only one to send a personal message, along with “Season’s Greetings” across its red front page.
I appreciate the intellectual honesty of Paper Source’s Holiday Gift Guide 2015, which went right for the marketing jugular with front cover declaratives like “Load Up on Gifts!” and “Fa-la-la-llama!” You might think that was a simple mistype until you see that the cover is festooned with llamas.
I guess I'd rather stomach the “Load up on gifts!” mantra than some of the catalogs that try to do the impossible: make materialism into a spiritual endeavor.
Like New Balance’s “NBWomen. Holiday 2015,” which writes, “A gift can make your heart sing. Your friend smile. Your mom say ‘Thanks, awesome choice.’ ...It can make you feel strong and powerful and beautiful. It can make you feel good, look good and — who knows? — maybe even inspire us all to do good.”
This is definitely an aspirational best-case scenario for gift-giving. And though I fully endorse the rejuvenating effects of exercise, you’ll never catch my mom using the word “awesome.”
The most Christmas-y message came, surprisingly, from a jewelry magazine. The CEO of James Avery Jewelry ("Artful Gifts, Christmas 2015"), wrote, “… Although our traditions may vary, the season is made brighter by the meaningful connections we share as we show goodwill towards others and give of ourselves in ways that go beyond gift-giving.”
This contrasts sharply with the view of Audi of America’s Executive VP Mark Del Rosso, who noted, “As we head into the fourth quarter, we are confident that our annual Season of Audi year-end sales event, supported by sales of our premium special edition models and luxury SUVs, will bring a strong finish to the year.”
May the ancient spiritual roots of this Season of Audi dive deeply into each of our fourth quarter hearts and minds, so that our souls can be transformed into premium special edition luxury models.
Got something to say about what you're reading? We value your feedback!