The Prayer List

My name is not on the prayer list. 

It doesn’t appear among those who suffer from cancer, pneumonia or broken limbs. 
For I suffer from a broken spirit; mine is the dark, heavy disease of depression.

Our symptoms are similar — mine and those considered more legitimately ill:
pain, fear, lack of energy. I add loneliness, shame and an unsettling loss of purpose.

Scornful words from the past still echo: “We can’t have a pastor who is on a steady diet of Prozac.” “Her headaches and depression disqualify her for ordained ministry.”
My name is not on the prayer list.

I hesitate to list my name because I fear one of two reactions to my revelation,
Platitudes or Silence.
I do not trust the underground judgments: “Well, any pastor who has to listen to other people’s problems would naturally be sad.”
“So, that explains her failure to stop the drop in membership in her church.”

My name remains off the prayer list.