I've Fallen from Grace and I Can't Get Up!

EDITORS' NOTE: The above headline may not necessarily relate to the following article.

Darn those French. First, they refuse to patronize EuroDisney, that fine American institution working without any thought of compensation to exhibit the abiding truths about our country: namely, that we occasionally dress up in large mouse costumes.

It is a mystery to many of us here in the United States why French people aren't excited by a theme park that charges too much and doesn't let you bring in your own food. Go figure.

(EDITORS' NOTE: If the Disney Corp. were an advertiser to Sojourners, the previous paragraph would be slightly edited to say: "Disney means FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY!")

And second (you thought I forgot), now France has decided to blow up a small island in the Pacific Ocean.

That's right, France is going to resume nuclear testing, and we can think of only one reason: Of the 170 countries that have signed the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty, France is the only one that has a theme park from Disney. Coincidence? I think not.

French President Jacques Chirac (pronouced Cous-teau) says his decision to resume nuclear testing under Mururoa Atoll in Polynesia is "irrevocable," a French word that means, literally, "Eat my shorts, Greenpeace."

Testing is important, French nuclear officials insist, to settle a question that has baffled nuclear scientists for years: namely, whether an atomic bomb can blow up a small uninhabited island with a big boom, or a really, really big boom.

Reportedly, the French government also wanted to send a warning to residents of other Pacific Islands who may be secretly planning to invade the French homeland. A huge explosion on a neighboring atoll would be a clear deterrent to hordes of islanders even now massing on their beaches, preparing to attack Europe with traditional coconut-based weapons.

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Sojourners Magazine September-October 1995
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