As the election season progresses and the inevitable wreckage shows up on the side of the road—Gilmore who? What’s a “biden”?—it is fascinating that Republican Rudy Giuliani is still in the lead for his party’s nomination. Despite being pro-choice, pro-gun control, and pro-gay marriage, positions that go against fundamental GOP tenets, Giuliani is the 800-pound gorilla in a crowded field of dogmatic loyalists.
800-Pound Gorilla: Ahem.
Sojourners: Oh, sorry. I didn’t see you standing there.
Gorilla: People always say that.
Sojourners: So, you’re, like, Koko, or what?
Gorilla: [sigh] No, my name is Robert. Koko’s that idiot who gets way too much press, just because he can type. Like that’s hard. And the so-called “sign language” he uses? You’d make those gestures, too, if you had a piece of dung beetle larvae on your finger. They’re actually quite tasty after a good rain, but you don’t want to get that stuff on your keyboard.
Sojourners: If you’ll excuse me, we’re talking about presidential politics. Fred Thompson is another force to reckon with. Despite his advanced age and minimal public service, compared to most other candidates he’s another ... um ...
Gorilla: You were going to say “800-pound gorilla” again, weren’t you?
Sojourners: Was not.
Gorilla: Look, these constant references to me are very annoying. While part of me is flattered that I’m used as a reference for something substantial and imposing, the other part of me is ...
Sojourners: Really hairy?