Running On Empty

Keep ’em laughing, I always say, especially when you’re half-naked on a gurney surrounded by stern-looking nurses. So when one of them asked if I had completely flushed out my system the night before and hadn’t eaten that morning, I cleverly responded: “Nothing but that Burrito Breakfast Special down at the Taco Bell. Otherwise, I’d be REAL hungry right now! Hahahahha!”

(Editor’s Note: Please, not again. Not another tedious recounting of your latest medical procedure. For years we’ve had to suffer through every paper cut, every fearful encounter with a stinging insect, every heart “incident.” Can you just give it a rest!?)

Nor did I leave the doctors out of the pre-colonoscopy fun, gently chiding them at their choice of medical specialty with comments such as, “So, you guys all studied for years and years so you, like, could do this every day for the rest of your professional lives, right? Right?”

Doctors (whispering amongst themselves): “Get out the old hose. The one that’s a little jaggedy on the end.”

Like I always say, laughter is the best sedative!

(Editor’s Note: Look, as we speak there are hundreds of thousands of immigrants protesting for their rights, and all you want to talk about is your colon!?)

That’s an excellent point about a very important issue. Despite our nation’s history of welcoming the outsider, many Americans feel that our country is filling up with foreigners beyond our capacity to contain them all.

Much like the bloated feeling I got the night before my colonoscopy.

Admittedly, I did not think about the issues dividing our nation as I sat in the bathroom forcing down two gallons of ill-flavored laxative. The liquid was prescribed to purge my body of all substances, illegal or otherwise, but to be honest, for most of the evening the political metaphors were lost on me.

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Sojourners Magazine June 2006
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