I'll Be Brief

At press time,

At press time, the nomination of John Bolton as U.N. ambassador had been put on hold while the U.S. Senate - our most deliberative legislative body - reacted to the shocking photos of Saddam Hussein in his underwear. Male lawmakers were shaken by pictures of a ruthless dictator wearing the same form-fitting briefs that their own mothers had dressed them in shortly after each had passed that first test of manhood: going potty. In response, the Senate passed a resolution that all American men should immediately switch to boxer shorts. The resolution is nonbinding - much like boxer shorts - but carries the full weight of a legislative body that was outraged at the sight of a tyrant known for his brutality wearing undergarments known for their move-as-you-move comfort. "We had to take a stand, even to the point of personal sacrifice," said Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, shifting his feet awkwardly due to the unaccustomed feel of a garment that, because of a design flaw, tends to bunch up when you walk.

BUT BACK TO THIS Bolton thing (you thought I forgot). You have to feel sorry for President Bush. After all, nominating John Bolton as U.N. ambassador was just a quick favor for his friend Condoleezza Rice. A loyal and unassuming public servant, Ms. Rice wanted nothing more than to perform her duties with integrity and, if possible, a four-hour train ride away from Mr. Bolton. But making that happen wasn’t easy.

It turns out that Bolton has had trouble working well with others in his various government jobs, and was known for throwing tantrums and refusing to go down for his afternoon nap. (And, for the fifth year in a row, he failed to receive the State Department’s coveted Mr. Congeniality award.)

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Sojourners Magazine July 2005
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