Shocking News: El Nino Causes Hair Loss!

Whew! I was afraid it was hereditary, since my grandfather on my mother’s side had a cousin who looked like a pool cue. (Come to think of it, I look like a pool cue...only with hair.) But now that scientists have proven that baldness is weather-related, I only have to worry about it during hurricane season.

And speaking of El Niño, how out of touch are the weather doofuses (doofi?) who came up with that name? "A global weather phenomenon with the most destructive potential of anything on the planet? Hey, let’s call it ‘the little boy.’" You’d think there’d be a more appropriate name for something that causes tidal waves, hurricanes, and massive flooding. Such as "Green-Eyed Monster" or "Here Comes Death." Or maybe "Trent Lott."

Ironically, those same scientists have also discovered that El Niño causes temporary memory loss. Which accounts for my forgetting to buy a gift for our 20th wedding anniversary (although, at press time, she wasn’t buying the El Niño excuse.)

I can be forgiven for thinking that a whole weekend together at an ocean-front bed and breakfast WOULD BE ENOUGH, THANK YOU! But apparently something in a decoratively wrapped box was also expected. Which is another reminder that after two decades living in a state of Indiana (oops, I mean marital bliss) I can still get it wrong.

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Sojourners Magazine January-February 1998
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