Anew day has dawned in our country. Unfortunately, that day is some time in the 1950s. The Republicans are back and have absolute control of the U.S. Congress, which is really not a problem unless you happen to be poor, uneducated, unemployed, a person of color, unin-
sured, undocumented, underpaid, or a woman. Did I leave anybody out? Oh yeah: white guys in suits. If you're one of those, then this is your lucky day. Celebrate, my friend! Do something wild and wacky. Come on, walk on the wild side with me and loosen that tie! Your time has come. Robert Dole is majority leader of the Senate and the Gingrich has stolen Christmas (not to mention the House).
In giddy celebration of its historic takeover of our government, the Republican Party even came out with a nifty new jingle:
Happy days are here again.
You can buy an unregistered handgun again.
You can hit on the gals in the office again.
You can speculate on questionable real estate investments again.
You can spend billions on unnecessary military hardware again.
You can ignore grievous social injustices again.
You get the idea.
The GOP heard the American people crying out for a change of leadership and they responded with decisiveness: Jesse Helms, Bob Packwood, and Al D'Amato are now chairs of the most powerful legislative committees in Washington. And you can be sure they'll take good care of our nation's finances, urban affairs, and foreign relations. Heh, what's the worst that could happen?
The GOP's "Contract With Ameri-ca" will go into effect immediately, providing wealth and prosperity for those who deserve it the most: the wealthy and the prosperous.