CAN WE JUST say right now that Ted Cruz will never be president of the United States? Can we say it out loud? Okay, great. I just wanted to get that out of the way before we move on.
THIS MARCH BROUGHT an anniversary that few of us welcomed and none will celebrate. It’s been a year of downs: shutdowns, hunker downs, spend downs, and the down comforters some of us have started wearing around the house, having given up any lingering commitment to outerwear that can’t simply be dragged off the bed in the morning. Like robed and aging monarchs of diminished means, we stalk our indoor world with a queen-sized blanket dragging behind us over floors that, if you look on the bright side, are getting a good wipe down.
My own experience has been different since I actually have to leave the house in the morning to go to work. Despite the yearlong shutdown that caused my 45 colleagues to work from home, I need the high-speed internet connection for the magazine’s large graphic files. So, for the past year I’ve been doing something of my own invention. I call it: “Working from work.”
It’s a disconcertingly quiet 9 to 5(ish), with my primary human contact being the cleaning crew that comes in every two weeks. Despite less need for them, Sojourners is committed to supporting our local vendors, including trash pickup and cleaning, but neither crew wishes to speak at length with a lonely man who rushes gleefully toward them when they arrive. And the cleaning crew has projectile Lysol to keep me at a safe distance. (“The only way to stop a bad guy with a grin is a good woman with a spray bottle.”) Sometimes the only sound I hear in the office is when I walk by our copy machine, a motion-sensitive device that bleeps awake, lights flashing and eager to make a copy. Which no one needs it to do. (Sorry, sad little robot friend. But do you have plans for lunch?)
Working alone, whether at home or at an empty office, we’re all experiencing a slow erosion of basic social skills, no longer stifling belches, covering our yawns, or shaving more than monthly. Our habits are beginning to resemble those of the animal kingdom, but with less nudity and accountability. And it’s hard to maintain a sense of purpose. Which is why I sometimes wander the empty halls of my office—quietly tiptoeing past the copy machine—flushing toilets and running the faucets to keep bacteria at bay and searching for the secret snack drawers of my colleagues. After a year, I can report that the drawers are no longer secret, and contain no snacks.
FORTUNATELY, we’ve been able to preserve our professional connections through Zoom, an innovative technology that enables colleagues to stay in touch with each other’s upper bodies, as well as regrettable home decor visible in the background (somewhere there’s a Motel 6 that’s missing a painting). I also enjoy that humorous moment when colleagues take a drink, and their entire face is briefly obscured by their coffee mugs. I call them Mug Heads. Ha-ha! (Did I mention that a sharp sense of humor also deteriorates during isolation?)
I confess that, during lengthy Zoom meetings, I sometimes violate the unwritten rules of online behavior by placing my cursor under the chin of a staff member on screen and saying, “Tickle tickle.” This amuses me. Although—and you might want to jot this down—your microphone should definitely be on mute before you make ad hoc observations, such as, “Hey, look who’s having a bad hair day!” or “Well, that’s a dumb idea.” Because some people can’t handle the truth.
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