Interview with the Prince of Darkness

(Editor’s Note: As the United States prepares for its inevitable takeover by special interests, Sojourners recently sat down with the godfather of them all, the National Rifle Association.)

Sojourners: Thank you for coming. Umm, is that a costume you’re wearing? I mean, those horns make you look like ...

NRA: What costume?

Sojourners: Never mind. Sir, a terrible tragedy recently took place in Tucson, one laid squarely at the feet of a handgun.

NRA: Handguns do not have feet.

Sojourners:  You know what I mean. Your insistence on almost no control of guns is one of the most outrageous abuses of our democratic system.

NRA: Guns don’t kill people, people do.

Sojourners: You never get tired of saying that, do you?

NRA: Not at all. Would you like me to say it again?

Sojourners: Each year, more than 30,000 Americans are killed by guns.

NRA: It’s the price we pay for free-dom.

Sojourners: Eight children a day die from gun violence.

NRA: It’s the price we pay for ...

Sojourners:  Stop with the empty words! Don’t you think you have some responsibility here?

NRA: Actually, no. I believe the blame can be laid squarely at the feet of inflammatory political rhetoric.

Sojourners:  Inflammatory political rhetoric does not have feet.

NRA: As I was saying, there has been a regrettable coarsening of our public discourse, and we need to keep talking about it.

Sojourners:  That way we don’t talk about guns, right?

NRA: Precisely. Because guns don’t kill people, freedom does. No, wait. Sorry, we only have two talking points, and sometimes I get them mixed up.

Sojourners: So, how much does freedom cost these days?

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