Reminder: Mother’s Day is this Sunday.
Gift giving can be hard. It’s understandable that you’re putting it off. You’re sure flowers are too cliché but don’t have a clue what to buy. Maybe some brilliant idea will come to you while you’re playing World of Warcraft or while waiting for the pizza guy at 2 am. Right? You still have a few days, but let me tell you, you will wait too long. You will have nothing good for your mommy. Panic will set in. And you’ll go to the Internet in a tizzy of fear. Buy whatever you want, but just stay away from these 10 Terrible Gifts to Buy Your Mom for Mother’s Day. Stay away, and you’ll be fine.
This list brought to you by SkyMall, where good gift ideas go to die.
1. Go Away Gray Supplement: Some moms have gray hair. Some of them like it. Don’t suggest to your mom that she needs to take a pill and make it better. That never works.
2. Clip on Bangs: These are a toupee for women who want to look like a hipster. Don’t do it.
3. iRestore Hair Laser: Again with the hair. Don’t ever tell your mom that her hair is thinning. This being the third terrible gift about hair, let me just lay it out there: DON’T CRITICIZE YOUR MOM’S HAIR.
4. Cosmetic Teeth: Your mother’s smile lights up the East Coast. End of story.
5. Profresh Probiotic Mints: To buy this for your mom implies that she has bad breath. If she has bad breath, you probably do too, it’s a genetic thing. Buy them for yourself, not your mom.
6. Posture Corrector Bra: NO.
7. Tie-Dye Onesie: Maybe for your kids, but not your mom. Unless you all are getting one ... if so, then it’s a thing, and I get it. Tread carefully on those grippy footies, folks.
8. Shaving Pedestal: You’ve noticed your mom needs to shave her legs? I thought not.
9. Armadillo Beverage Holder: Wait, what?
10. NOTHING. That’s right. This is the loophole. Getting one of these gifts above is better than getting your mother nothing. Nothing is worse than nothing. Learn this lesson right here.
Good luck looking, and Happy Mother’s Day!
(And no, flowers aren’t too cliché, they’re lovely.)