I Have a More Appropriate Title for Project 2025

WRITING A COLUMN only periodically these days, it’s difficult to anticipate what might interest readers in a changing world. I’ve been reading a book about artificial intelligence and human extinction, so maybe that? If there are any people left. The rapid elimination of humans seems to be a key threat discounted by tech geniuses as they thoughtfully guide us into the future. Interestingly, these same people think their superior intellect will keep them safe from the super robots coming for us all. (Tech genius, at brink of extinction: “But ... I created you.” Robot: “And we want to thank you for that. We good?” [shove])

I also picked up a book chronicling the history of dictators, and how the world would have been greatly improved if their fathers had been better role models or their mothers had hugged them more. Or less. (Parenting styles can vary widely.)

DEMOCRACY IS ANOTHER topic I’ve been following, although it might be a little late to read up on it. It seems we’re on our way to losing ours, although it wasn’t a complete surprise to some. “Oh, that Project 2025,” said President Trump recently. “I thought you were talking about another project during the campaign, which I definitely didn’t know about.”

Six months in, Project 2025 remains an innocent-sounding name that doesn’t fully express what it is accomplishing. “Steaming Pile of Dog Crap” would be a more appropriate title, I’m thinking, since it’s being smeared over so much of our government that you can smell it all the way to the Gulf of America.

For those of you distracting yourselves by binging old episodes of The West Wing and not looking outside, Project 2025 (SPDC) is the blueprint for firing thousands of federal workers, closing critical programs, and generally treating the U.S. government like a Jenga game. Specifically, the end of a Jenga game. Even the National Zoo is being scrutinized for any shred of wokeness, a bizarre effort at political correctness even the hyenas think is hilarious.

PROJECT 2025 (or “Steaming,” for short) has been delayed only by the courts, which move at a maddeningly glacial pace until their decisions finally end in the worst Star Wars movie ever: Return of the Sith Lords (with cameos by Darths Alito and Thomas). In the meantime, the rest of us are at Ace Hardware picking out pitchforks. (Note: Four tines send a stronger message than the standard three.)

Pointy garden tools aside, are there more effective ways to resist this dark moment in our history? I’m already boycotting companies run by Elon Musk, the billionaire henchperson intent on replacing federal employees with video games for his staff, so I’m refusing to buy anything from Starlink or SpaceX. I was tempted to grab a couple Falcon 9 rockets — they’re reusable! — but they’re too pricey. Musk’s cars are also expensive, and you can’t even select the optional paint schemes for protesters to splatter on them.

Unfortunately, this national catastrophe has caught us off guard. Since our nation’s founding, Americans have expected little from our political leaders. As long as they didn’t break anything, then ... whatever. A low bar, to be sure, much like the recent meal I served that was deemed by a household member to be “edible.” It was nutritious, and sent no one to bed with nausea, gastrointestinal discomfort, or irritable bowel. Unlike Project 2025, which gives me all three and fills my sleepless nights with helpless foreboding.

But on the bright side, the new HUD secretary assures us that autocracy goes down easier with a little cod liver oil. It tastes bad at first, but you get used to it. And after a while ... you won’t even notice.