The Common Good

Report: Nobody Cares Anymore When Joe Biden Says Something Crazy

090401-joe-bidenWASHINGTON-A new report issued this week from the Pew Research Center finds that no one really cares anymore when Vice President Joe Biden says something completely insane.

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Regarded as a plain-spoken politician from working-class roots, Biden's "tell it like it is" approach has been a crucial element to his rise to become the sixth youngest senator in U.S. history in 1973, and a more recent ascendancy to the vice presidency. This approach has occasionally been a double-edged sword, however, as he has also been known to fly off the cuff and inadvertently offend women, minority owners of convenience stores, veterans in wheelchairs, and African-Americans who are now the President of the United States.

The oft verbose Biden was rendered mostly speechless when briefed about the Pew report, but only mostly. "A couple weeks ago, I insulted this disabled kid and a pregnant lady all in one day, but all anyone wanted to talk about was how President Obama was hating on the Special Olympics," said Biden. "I've gotta figure out ways to elevate my game." He then talked for the next five minutes about something that was possibly related.

During a daily press briefing, White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs also noted that the country is "too focused on creating jobs and on Sasha and Malia's dog to be concerned with the foibles of the Vice President." Gibbs responded to the report after being asked a question from some obscure blogger you've never heard of that somehow got a White House press pass.

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Matt Newell-Ching is the western regional organizer for Bread for the World.

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