A Giant Flushing Sound...

Not to brag, but my new toilet was rated Best Flush for 2010. I don't know if this reflects its intrinsic design superiority or if the manufacturer was simply teaching to the test, but it does recall the original slogan of George W. Bush's education initiative: "No Child Left Behind; Check the Bathrooms." (It was supposed to be a reminder to school bus drivers, but Congress broadened it considerably.)

Regardless, my new toilet has three times the standard flush power, which means the user should not remain seated when the flushing process is initiated, unless that person's effects are in order and power of attorney established.

This is just one of the features of our new quarter-bath downstairs, the construction of which was my attempt to stimulate the weak economy while providing a place for me to use in the coming years when I become too frail to make it to my secret place in the back yard.

A quarter-bath, a home improvement concept of my own invention, is like a half-bath, only smaller, by half. There's space for a sink, a toilet, and a small person not wearing bulky clothing. Definitely a summer destination. There is room to sit, but not room to flail your arms emotionally after being denied use of the larger bathroom because family members, citing overcrowding, threatened to call the fire marshal.

In the rosy language of real estate professionals, our new addition might be listed as 'luxury closet w/seating for 1." But I just call it my Special Room, a place to hide from the growing conservatism that is taking America back. From what, I'm not sure, and specifically how far back is also not clear. All we know is that the Tea Party feels VERY STRONGLY ABOUT IT! In fact, they are definitely flailing their arms victoriously after the recent mid-term elections, although not in my new bathroom.

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Sojourners Magazine January 2011
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