H'rumphs

Ed Spivey Jr. 6-01-2009

As I sit at my desk thinking up innovative ideas for the coming decade—MacArthur Mediocrity Grants, AIG offices relocating to Guan­tanamo, AIDS awareness seminars for the pope (“I d

Ed Spivey Jr. 5-01-2009

I hold in my hand a printout of the e-mail I just received from Barack Obama.

Ed Spivey Jr. 4-01-2009

With the nation facing fiscal uncertainty (actually, complete and absolute certainty—just like the in­evi­table wedgie I got every day in junior-high gym class), maybe it&rsq

Ed Spivey Jr. 3-01-2009
Being the trusting sort, I clicked on the link. Life is different now.
Ed Spivey Jr. 2-01-2009

The International Space Station is a cramped scientific laboratory orbiting in an environment where temperatures on a good day top out at minus 273 degrees Celsius.

Ed Spivey Jr. 1-01-2009

Made you look. Anyway, the world economy continues to spin downward despite my previous column on the subject, which was intended to bring needed comic relief to struggling world markets.

Ed Spivey Jr. 12-01-2008

The following is an excerpt from economic philosopher Adam Smith’s Wealth of Nations treatise, one of the driving intellectual forces behind contemporary market theory.

Ed Spivey Jr. 11-01-2008

Editor’s Note: Okay, Ed, the lawyer has finished looking through your column to make sure it’s totally nonpartisan and that it doesn’t favor or oppose either candidate. With a few minor deletions, he says it’s good to go.

As Election Day approaches, more Americans are anxious about the nnnn future. With the world economy in nnnn—for example, Afghanistan’s opium crop is down by almost 19 percent—America’s nnnnn has never been more needed. And yet, after a grueling nominating process, no nnn candidate has emerged that could reassure the world that Washington, D.C., can be anything more than a big nnn pile of scheming nnnn.

But enough about Dick Cheney’s small group.

On the nnnnnnnn side, the candidate is nnnn nnnn, except for the fact that he’s nnnn and was born in Indonesia, or possibly Illinois, and that he fathered two children with a woman in Chicago. His campaign is promising a quick, bipartisan nnnn to every nnnn problem facing this nation, except for the problem of creating false expectations for bipartisan nnnn.

And let’s be honest, he’s a little more nnnnnn than the rest of us.

Ed Spivey Jr. 8-01-2008
Putting stickers on cars is a different kind of superpower.
Ed Spivey Jr. 7-01-2008
It's Ordinary Days, the Miller Time of the liturgical year.
Ed Spivey Jr. 6-01-2008
The Supreme Court is about to rule on guns. Be afraid.
Ed Spivey Jr. 5-01-2008
Here at Sojourners, we neither toil nor spin.
Ed Spivey Jr. 4-01-2008
Worried about your financial future? Have a Life Saver.
Ed Spivey Jr. 3-01-2008
The voice of the people. Even the crazy ones.
Ed Spivey Jr. 2-01-2008
The Prosperity Gospel lets us have our cake and eat it, too. Also cookies. And donuts.
Ed Spivey Jr. 1-01-2008
Our private contractors have sacrificed enough in Iraq.
Ed Spivey Jr. 12-01-2007
Someone foolishly suggested I should actually play in public.
Ed Spivey Jr. 11-01-2007

As the election season progresses and the inevitable wreckage shows up on the side of the road—Gilmore who?

Ed Spivey Jr. 9-01-2007
Our neighborhood has changed. It's now delicious.
Ed Spivey Jr. 8-01-2007
Only one man can beat Fred Thompson in the 2008 race.