Author’s note: If you know me, you’d know that that I think the most important thing (of the things we worship) is Jesus. And you’d also know that I love Arrested Development, with almost the same type of devotion I typically reserve for God. As a former “professional church lady,” crafting prayers was right in my wheelhouse. So I’ve composed a psalm entirely out of Arrested Development quotes based on the ACTS style of prayer, because it is right, and a good and joyful thing, always and everywhere to give thanks to God. And also … not Aunt Lindsay’s nose.
Oh God. (AD 2:13)
I love you. (AD 1:7)
We all must seek forgiveness. I’ve always tried to lead a clean life. My brother and I were like those biblical brothers, Gallant and, um … Goofuth. (AD 2:14)
I’ve made a huge mistake. (AD 1:10)
In the secular world, one finds oneself with a fair share of temptations. (AD 2:16)
What is this feeling? It’s not like envy or even hungry … it’s like my heart is getting hard. (AD 3:2) For, as it is written, you shall be with whom you have formed a more perfect union with under God. (AD 2:13)
Oh, my God! (AD 3:1)
I’m sorry, Dad, I screwed it all up. I’ve no right to call myself Mr. Manager. (AD 1:2) I’m tired of trying to find happiness through lies and self-medicating. (AD 1:19) I did it again, didn’t I? I’m so self-centered. From now on, I want you to just tell me what’s on your mind, okay? And I promise I won’t just hear what I want to hear. (AD 3:9)
Oh, God … Oh, God … We’re crying like a couple of girls! (AD 2:18) But everything they do is so dramatic and flamboyant. It just makes me want to set myself on fire! (AD 1:1)
And it’s like she gets off on being withholding. (AD 1:3)
Well, I’d rather live like this than be like my aunts and uncles whose eyes have never stung from the sweet sweat of a hard day’s work. (AD 1:1)
Look, I screwed up, okay? I’m lost, and I hate them. I am so sorry. (AD 1:5)
Thank you. (AD 1:5) And thank God they’ve got my brands here. (AD 2:6)
Oh God! (AD 2:13) I need a favor. (AD 1:10)
I’ve been waiting for the universe to provide a path for me and … and I think it has. (AD 1:1) Some say wealth is an illusion; well, let’s just see. For one moment it’s here and the next … (AD 1:1)
What comes before anything? What have we always said is the most important thing? (AD 1:1) It’s just I don’t know when I’m gonna get another chance like this, you know, to be there for family. I’d hate to miss it because I was too proud. (AD 1:19)
Oh, my God! (AD 3:1)
“Thou shalt protect thy father and honor no one above him unless it be-ith me, thy sweet Lord. (AD 1:17). Thou shalt not make up a name in vain.” (AD 1:17)
I will obey your will. I will lead a good life. (AD 1:17)
Amen. (AD 2:11)
Juliet Vedral was the research assistant to the president when this article was published. This article originally appeared on Juliet's blog, The Wheelhouse Review.
Got something to say about what you're reading? We value your feedback!
