Maybe It's Not Supposed to Feel Right
I wanted to share a bit with my blog community about the ongoing tension of balance, priorities, schedules, focus, goals, etc. Minhee and I have started three organization in the past 9 years -- Quest, Q Cafe, and One Day's Wages. Not small things but ventures that have required a great amount of time, commitment, energy, funds, courage, possible stupidity, prayers, and collaboration.
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On top of that, my marriage and my family are very important. Not just important on paper but important as part of heart and soul. Having said that, I don't want to hold marriage or family as idols in my life. Or in other words, my desire to serve God certainly includes my identities as husband and father but is not encompassed by only these two things.
Marriage is not my God. Family is not God. They are some of the means that God expresses His love for me and means by which I serve and honor Him but they are not my gods.
I remember sharing with Minhee during our dating years that we wanted to live our lives faithfully, dangerously, and passionately for the glory of Christ -- then and in the future. We didn't just want to get married, have 2.4 kids, a doggie, a nice home with a manageable mortgage with a nice backyard, two cars including a minivan, get our kids to college, save a nice nest egg for retirement, and watch Korean dramas during the latter days of our lives.
We wanted to live faithfully, dangerously, and passionately.
But what we've learned is that it's easier said than done, which is why in recent years, we found ourselves slowly gravitating towards complacency rather than the "vision, mission, passion trajectory" we had agreed on years ago.
Now or never might be a melodramatic statement, but do you ever get the sense of how fast time flies? Before you know it, you're in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, and bam. You wonder